There is one thing that becoming a parent guarantees - you will never again be alone. Not really. Even if you manage to sneak a blissful solo trip to the loo, you're always hyper-aware that there's someone just a few metres away that needs you. Constantly. And usually right in the middle of whatever you're doing.
And yet there are many times since becoming a mum that I've felt the loneliest I've ever been in my entire life.
I'm a pretty independent person, I've always liked and been very happy in my own company. My favourite things outside of my job (which I also enjoyed) are largely solitary too - reading, writing, listening to music and staying fit. So when contemplating motherhood I figured maternity leave would be a dream scenario - all of my time, to myself and the baby, to do whatever I want with. Cracking. How sorry I felt for some people, especially Americans, who get almost no mat leave at all and are often forced back to work just weeks after giving birth.
Yes - I hear the experienced amongst you titter - I was THAT naive.
How utterly, utterly jealous I've felt of those American ladies since. And how utterly guilty and awful thinking that makes me feel, often to the point of tears. The Kraken is a wonderful little boy; noisy, but wonderful, and I wouldn't want a world without him. And yet.
As it turns out, just being in his company day after day after day can be incredibly lonely. It also turns out that all of the things I enjoyed doing by myself just aren't compatible with having a baby, let alone a very boisterous, inquisitive and opinionated one. Reading and listening to music - nope, concentration is shot, so they're out. Gym time - nope, haven't got the spare cash for membership anyway, but haven't found one yet with a semi-decent creche and someone I'd trust giving the Kraken to, and writing - what you see on this blog is all I've managed in six months.
So what about other mums? Don't get me wrong - I've met some great ladies, and made good friends, but even with regular meet ups throughout the week, at 2am when it's just you and a wailing baby, tiredness, stress and loneliness all join hands and dance around you in circles.
Even when it comes to my husband, despite being a brilliant dad and sharing as much of the work as is possible, ultimately he has a very busy job and long commute, so the heaviest part of the burden falls on me alone. In the end, I'm responsible for making sure the Kraken has enough and the right food, wears (mostly) clean clothes, is entertained and encouraged, naps well in the day and sleeps as much as possible at night in a relatively clean and tidy house. Sounds simple, but that takes up 95% of my day, and I'm alone for almost all of it. Shared parental leave would be a fantastic thing to take up, but in my industry, whilst jobs are enjoyable, wages are low and there's just no way we could live on my salary and statutory mat pay.
But look, this isn't a pity party. It's just a surprising realisation, and not one I'd ever imagined. However, there's one other thing I've also realised since this all began and it's currently getting me through every day. The phrase that every parent hangs onto and hates in equal measure.
It's just a phase.
And it is. Soon I will be back at work and probably wondering what the hell I was moaning about when I'm up to my ears in paperwork and meetings again, and even if I find myself on mat leave again in the future, that too will just be another phase, with another baby to juggle and even less time. (Is that possible?!)
So I'm going to be philosophical about it all. There's probably a Confucius quote in this somewhere, but bugger that. I'm too knackered. Now pass the wine.
Thoughts, reviews and honesty on the parenting process, with no added bull.
Saturday 30 April 2016
Wednesday 6 April 2016
Top 5 items that saved my sanity
*Note that no one has paid me to review these items - they're just things I love!
The first few months of parenthood are a like a giant slap in the face, so now the sting has just about worn off, I wanted to share my five very best buys - all of which saved my sanity, repeatedly. So, if you're a parent to be, or buying a gift for one, or even an old hand at the parenting stuff and just looking for inspiration - here's the list below. I've included the links just in case it helps...
1. Love to Dream Swaddle
The very first time we wrangled the Kraken into this, it worked. I cried. Big, fat, tired tears. This incredible (and super sweet) zip-up swaddle is the SOLE reason the Kraken started sleeping off me or my husband and on his own, for longer than 15 minutes. That night, for the first time in about seven weeks, I slept for longer than two hours. The Kraken felt so secure and bundled up that the chest-bed of mum or dad was no longer required, and we were FREE!
It's incredibly easy to use, even with a world-champion flailing Kraken-type, with a glorious zip rather than ruddy pop-studs or an old-fashioned swaddle wrap that can get kicked off in about 30 seconds. Such is my love for this swaddle that I even wrote a slightly overly-emotional love letter to Love to Dream, thanking them for saving my life. But I genuinely think they did.
[We bought ours from Jo Jo Maman Bebe]
2. The Perfect Prep Machine
This is the ultimate for bottle feeders - you'd be hard pressed to get a boob out quicker than this bad boy can whip up a fresh bottle of formula at exactly the right temperature. In the days of demand feeding in the night, being able to plug the Kraken's screaming maw with a warm bottle of milk in under two minutes was wonderful. I bow down to this machine every day, so if you're even considering bottle feeding, you need it in your life.
[Got ours at John Lewis]
3. Sophie the Giraffe
Long before the Kraken's first two teeth cut through last week (holy crap, now he's armed...), he was drooling and gnawing and whinging for weeks beforehand. Then we bought Sophie, and.... silence. A silence only punctuated with the soft sounds of little gums squeaking against Sophie's rubbery face, and satisfied little gurgles.
It doesn't matter which bit of Sophie ends up in their mouths, as every angle offers perfectly soft resistance for their painful gums. Essential.
[Another John Lewis job]
4. Skiphop Tree Top Baby Activity Gym
This mat has been used every single day since the Kraken was about 7-8 weeks old, when he deigned to let us put him down for more than ten seconds. From the days when he half-blindly, (almost) placidly just stared at the animals to the pulling/kicking/gripping/gnaw-fest of today, this mat has kept on entertaining him. He loves the mirror on the apple, the bell in the owl and the chewing the wooden ring on the bird... hell, the relatively boring squirrel even cracked him up for no apparent reason for a time. Plus- from a dull mummy perspective, I've washed it a dozen times and it still looks as good as new, and takes barely two minutes to set up or take down for travelling. Winner.
[You've guessed it... John Lewis]
5. Your Baby: Week by Week - Simone Cave & Dr Caroline Fertleman
You know how people say babies don't come with a manual? Rubbish. This is it. Does what it says on the tin - it tells you, week by week, exactly what to expect, plan for and do - in very nice, easy, bitesize chunks of text, almost as though the authors knew it would have to be accessible to desperate, exhausted, teary people with about three functioning brain cells left to call their own. Absolutely fantastic, very practical and I referred to it several times a week for the first few months, a must have.
[Got ours at good ol' Waterstones]
The first few months of parenthood are a like a giant slap in the face, so now the sting has just about worn off, I wanted to share my five very best buys - all of which saved my sanity, repeatedly. So, if you're a parent to be, or buying a gift for one, or even an old hand at the parenting stuff and just looking for inspiration - here's the list below. I've included the links just in case it helps...
1. Love to Dream Swaddle
The very first time we wrangled the Kraken into this, it worked. I cried. Big, fat, tired tears. This incredible (and super sweet) zip-up swaddle is the SOLE reason the Kraken started sleeping off me or my husband and on his own, for longer than 15 minutes. That night, for the first time in about seven weeks, I slept for longer than two hours. The Kraken felt so secure and bundled up that the chest-bed of mum or dad was no longer required, and we were FREE!
It's incredibly easy to use, even with a world-champion flailing Kraken-type, with a glorious zip rather than ruddy pop-studs or an old-fashioned swaddle wrap that can get kicked off in about 30 seconds. Such is my love for this swaddle that I even wrote a slightly overly-emotional love letter to Love to Dream, thanking them for saving my life. But I genuinely think they did.
[We bought ours from Jo Jo Maman Bebe]
2. The Perfect Prep Machine
This is the ultimate for bottle feeders - you'd be hard pressed to get a boob out quicker than this bad boy can whip up a fresh bottle of formula at exactly the right temperature. In the days of demand feeding in the night, being able to plug the Kraken's screaming maw with a warm bottle of milk in under two minutes was wonderful. I bow down to this machine every day, so if you're even considering bottle feeding, you need it in your life.
[Got ours at John Lewis]
3. Sophie the Giraffe
Long before the Kraken's first two teeth cut through last week (holy crap, now he's armed...), he was drooling and gnawing and whinging for weeks beforehand. Then we bought Sophie, and.... silence. A silence only punctuated with the soft sounds of little gums squeaking against Sophie's rubbery face, and satisfied little gurgles.
It doesn't matter which bit of Sophie ends up in their mouths, as every angle offers perfectly soft resistance for their painful gums. Essential.
[Another John Lewis job]
4. Skiphop Tree Top Baby Activity Gym
This mat has been used every single day since the Kraken was about 7-8 weeks old, when he deigned to let us put him down for more than ten seconds. From the days when he half-blindly, (almost) placidly just stared at the animals to the pulling/kicking/gripping/gnaw-fest of today, this mat has kept on entertaining him. He loves the mirror on the apple, the bell in the owl and the chewing the wooden ring on the bird... hell, the relatively boring squirrel even cracked him up for no apparent reason for a time. Plus- from a dull mummy perspective, I've washed it a dozen times and it still looks as good as new, and takes barely two minutes to set up or take down for travelling. Winner.
[You've guessed it... John Lewis]
5. Your Baby: Week by Week - Simone Cave & Dr Caroline Fertleman
You know how people say babies don't come with a manual? Rubbish. This is it. Does what it says on the tin - it tells you, week by week, exactly what to expect, plan for and do - in very nice, easy, bitesize chunks of text, almost as though the authors knew it would have to be accessible to desperate, exhausted, teary people with about three functioning brain cells left to call their own. Absolutely fantastic, very practical and I referred to it several times a week for the first few months, a must have.
[Got ours at good ol' Waterstones]
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