Crotch sniffing and other inappropriate behaviour.

Well there's two words I never thought I'd write. Or do. But that's being a parent - the inappropriate becomes the norm.

I know I'm not alone - every parent's done it. Whilst I lifted the Kraken earlier today and inhaled deeply at the kicky end, it occurred to me just how plain wrong it seemed. And then I consoled myself that he hadn't filled his nappy and I now had time to make a quick coffee - and that friends, is a win.

As is leaving the house with sick on your clothes and likely in your hair. Such a massive cliche, I know, but when your kid's other nickname is the vomit comet, it's just inevitable. So for my own sanity, and with no further shits left to give, I don't change when I leave the house now even if I can actually smell it on myself. I know. Grim. I used to have standards.

But some things never change. There are many times when I know I shouldn't laugh at something, or should deal with a situation more like a grown-up. Like struggling not to crack up when the Kraken lets off a firecracker of a fart when settling down to sleep and wakes himself up again - or registers his upset with the patented 'fish-lip' expression, something akin to a slightly miffed trout. (I imagine.)

One of my favourite moments since the madness began, and when the Kraken was still a silent but violent bump, was in a breastfeeding class. I think it marked the moment when a lovely new friend propelled herself into an extremely small group of people I've labelled as 'good eggs - must do everything possible to know them for life' (not a pithy label, admittedly) by cracking up with me when the teacher referred to the plastic cone thingy on a breast pump (shudder) as a 'flange'. I mean... come on... it's funny. It just is.  We probably could've moved past it if the teacher hadn't uttered it with a deadpan expression in her jesus sandals and hand-knitted cardigan... but in fairness she dealt with it like a pro and moved on, but my new friend for life - let's call her Dancing Gal - and I had an appalling case of the giggles for the rest of the lesson. And ever since, actually. (New parent note - humour is a sanity saver. Fact).

So yeah, I'm totes inappropes as the ironic yoof would have it, but screw it. Before I had nothing to blame it on, and now... Nah, still me.

p.s. Props to my mum for using the word 'inappropriate' so much in my childhood. It's a word I know so well, and will always associate with her, and her expression when applying it to my behaviour at the time - annoyance, with a hint of disappointment. The worst. I plan to do the same with the Kraken in time.

p.p.s. FLANGE.